Why I Started Going to Church...

An old proverb says , "To get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done.”

Lance Wallnau  says, "Everything you've already gotten is a result of what you already know. Therefore to get what you've never got (or what you want) you'll have to embrace ideas you've never heard."

I feel like I've spent the better part of my life living against organized religion. I've also spent the better part of my life running on a hamster wheel, spinning in circles mindlessly... Well, ok, not quite- at least not the mindless part... for a while I actually had myself thinking I was doing OK. Perhaps I'd be better off saying that I was spinning in circles while physically, mentally & emotionally draining myself.... I always thoughts I could do it all on my own, but when I truly got real with myself I had to ask:  What have I done? What have I accomplished? What do I have to show for? How are the relationships in my life? Are they what I always imagined? Where are my values? Where is my focus? And,  How do I fill my spiritual cup? (There's no balance without mind, body,  AND spirit. 

So I reached a point where I knew in my heart that I couldn't do it alone anymore- what I had done for 31 years on my own, in fact, wasn't working. No self help book- no seminar- no personal development degree - no transformational leadership education- would work... alone. So what did that mean? Well @ first I didn't know.... but then a friend invited me somewhere that changed my life. 

She invited me to her baptism. As resistant as I was  initially about going,  I knew there was really no good reason to not go  and support a good friend through something seemingly meaningful to her, so I went. While I was there I was in awe and extremely touched by how much this symbolism meant to everyone participating. Although I couldn't understand it myself, it was beautiful & touching. And it  made me realize something...It made ne realize what I may have been missing all this time ... I thought to myself, " Was it time to invite god into my life? ... to reunite." So, I went to church- the very next weekend . I went with a friend to her church, and while it felt so good to be in a church, I  knew that wasn't the 'right' church for me ,but I remembered one I had visited once long ago and remembered having a good feeling about it - so I went back, and then I went back again... And so it began....

The message from God at this evenings church service was so perfect. It's funny how it almost always seems to work that way. These are all the things I have been thinking about lately and asking myself, and the message was very fitting - it opened my eyes on a whole other level and my heart. The question Kevin asked us to ask ourself throughout the message was, "Am I alive?" ...What does this mean to be alive through God's eyes? 

-It means: To do what God wants us to do ...How am I supposed to know what that is, I wondered.... I mean, what does God want me to do? (Ohhhhhhh ... it's in the Bible, you say?) Do I read scripture or do I show up to church & truly hear the message being spoken? 
-It means: To be a person of prayer ... Do I pray only when I hit rock bottom & need something OR do I pray always & everyday? Do I pray with gratitude? Do I spend my time worrying or praying? 
-It means : To be  passionate with God ... Do I sing during worship or do I simply stand there making excuses that I am not a singer worrying about what someone might think?  
-It means: To reach out to others about God.. Do I talk about him openly, freely, & honestly?.. Or do I withhold my thoughts & feelings around some people out of fear of judgment or rejection? 

"AM I ALIVE?"....

...This is the question I kept asking myself and while I know I have a long way to go, I must also recognize that I have come a long way. I already  believe in  the value of the commitment to getting there, and know it will be a challenging journey,  and  I'm taking it one day at a time...  I'm not alone ... I've invited  him into  my life - to work through me...I know I can only get so far on my own, and I am ready for more.