I’m so thrilled to say that my commitment this last week to my fitness was to make a conscious choice to NOT do a workout.... For once, I had no pressing injury, ache, or pain that led me to this choice- just a subtle request from my body that I know has been lingering asking me to go slow... asking me to not focus so much on just exercise .... so rather then wait until it gave me a reason to “slow down” I figured I might just try and see what happens if I listened to its kind request, and I made a choice for the last 8 days to not exercise.
Does this mean I didn’t move? Or engage in movement? Absolutely not.... but I didn’t engage in planned workouts, or any physically demanding and stressful activities. Rather, I spent time relaxing, did a ton of walking (as it was my only means of transportation), learned a new art (Qi Gong), explored a Kundalini yoga class, and participated in a cacao ceremony (focusing on my mental fitness aka vulnerability practice🙄😉❤️).
Wow it feels liberating - it was crazy to just be really observant and notice HOW many times the “I SHOULD” workout came up in my mind - or the “omg your gonna get fat right before you go home” or the “you are being lazy”, self talk... it was often!!! 😳 ... and each time I was able to remind myself what I “should” do is listen to my body and be ok with walking the talk, and by talk I mean - staying truly committed to my health and overall well being -rather then obsess over my weight or the prospect of gaining a pound.
It’s amazing how fast old habits, old thought patterns, and old ways of being creep in - reminding you they aren’t so old. The struggle is real.... old habits die hard - but this was an awesome mental “exercise” to learn a little bit more about myself and what stories still have a grip on me.
It felt so good to be able to stand up for myself against those stories and remember that is ok to take a few conscious days off - it’s ok to just walk for movement - it’s ok to just move my joints w/o adding in 100 squats ... and hell its actually going to be ok if I gain a pound. I really am committed to learn to love all of me - and without these insane expectations of how I should be - to love and honor the truth of what my body needs.
I’m sick of comparing myself to everyone else - thinking “oh why do I need to slow down- why do I need extra rest - am I just weak or lazy .... so and so does it.” I’m sick of worrying about every pound or 1/4” on my body.... I know I love and care for myself enough that I wouldn’t let myself go on a bender and treat myself like shit through stagnant behavior and nothing but poor food choices - so I must stop letting it have such a strong hold on me in that subconscious mind.
I came on this trip to help develop a stronger relationship with knowing myself, loving myself and honoring my truth.... and I think I’m seeing all the ways I was still saying “I will love you IF”. I see all the ways my young adult mindset still creeps in and haunts me- judges me - challenges me - compares me ... and I know the ways my heart hurts when I see other women do this to themselves; and I understand the only way I can hold space for them to learn to love all of themselves, is for me to learn to do the same. ❤️🙏🏼
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