I just joined my FIRST Life Group, @ New Life Church in Petaluma. To be honest, until a couple of months ago I have never even heard the term Life Group, so this is all still extremely new for me. Mathew & I have been working on the book, A Purpose Driven Life. As we have read deeper into it, there is a lot of discussion about the need to be actively involved in a church and to be a part of the community. Church is still fairly new for me. I have been officially attending now for about 6 months. I realized through the study of this book; however, that I can’t hide behind the ‘church is still new for me’ excuse forever. I had to recognize that I have only been an “observer” I show up, I sneak in, I sit in the back, I listen, I take notes, I go home, I process everything, I often write, and I am usually good about applying it to my life...
While I commend myself for taking the FIRST step in this journey, I realize it can not be an only step. It is not all about me, and this is a selfish approach. What better way to immerse myself into the church & develop relationships with God’s family, then join a life group? My thoughts exactly... so this is what I did. And last week I embarked on my new journey (so it began). I had several groups to choose from, and the one that Matt and I both thought would be best for me was called “So Long Insecurity” based off the study of a book with that title, by Beth Moore.
It is hard to admit out loud that, YES -I have insecurities, and a whole heck of a lot of them! And YES - they interfere with the health of my relationships, all facets. And, YES - they interfere with my ability to fully embrace everything I ever wanted to do and achieve in life and to become, and mostly my ability for me to live out my God given purpose. So for the next ten weeks, I will be joining a group of women I previously had never met, as we delve into the topic of insecurity amongst women, in hopes to create strong bonds and friendships, to practice opening up and allowing myself to be more vulnerable, and to chipping away my insecurities piece by piece and one by one.
I will be required to journal weekly after reading several chapters and answering the discussion questions. I would like to share these journals with those who are interested in reading, with two goals in mind. 1. That it will be another step for me to process everything I am learning, and to open myself up, and practice being comfortable with vulnerability. And, 2. Because maybe through what I learn and share, you may learn as well!
Why have I chosen to read this book? What do I hope to get out of it? How do I want to be changed at the end of this journey? I have already answered many of these above. I chose to read this book to discover insecurities I may have that I didn’t even realize that are holding me back. In addition, to better understand how to release myself from some of these insecurities, and how to learn to seek God for ultimate security. I hope to build a better relationship with God and develop trust over the next 10 weeks, and learn to let go of my desire to seek approval from others for my own worth. I hope to develop enough confidence to pursue my God given purpose.
What barriers does insecurity place on me that I want to be free from? It inhibits me from fully utilizing my potential professionally and growing my business so that I can maximize how many people I can impact and help. It instills a lack of confidence in my ability to be ‘good’ enough or ‘smart’ enough or ‘strong’ enough or ‘worthy’ enough to ever move forward with owning my own business. Often it causes me to close up, to avoid communication, and not allow myself to be vulnerable which is needed often to deepen a relationship and develop a stronger bond.