Restless nights...

Restless nights
Heaviness in my heart
Contemplating my part
The role I have played
In the collective consciousness in which I am of
Wanting so badly to always show up in love
Holding space, compassion, understanding
But somedays it’s just challenging
On one level, I understand that in order for someone to be so evil
they must be hurting so much inside
even if they don’t recognize
But damn when I keep seeing so much of it all around
My heart can’t help but be sad for the collective heart
Where do we start to create the change?
I know it starts within me, within each person
But, how do I begin to love the difficult and evil people?
Is this a true test to higher consciousness?
I know that to overcome the evil-
we have to shine an even brighter light
I understand we have to raise the vibration of the whole
But some days I just don’t know -
which way I feel about it all
They say we are in the middle of our 6th extinction
Most days I want to trust and hold the faith
that we can rise above the evil, the hate
and learn to all appreciate
That we can stand united all together- truly one globe- citizens of one Earth
But then I see more shit like what’s going down and all the hurt
And I question these beliefs - is it truly possible?
Or maybe we should just self destruct as a species - start over again
The corruption, evil, pain - it’s been here from the beginning
It’s every direction we look - even within our own selves - perhaps buried deep
This systemic issue is about every one of us - every person on the planet -
We are all - past and present - a part of the collective consciousness,
and our 3D experience is a reflection of this
We can be a part of the problem,
or we can choose to be a part of the solution
I keep badly wanting to trust it does begin within
But can enough of us commit to increasing our vibration,
to rise above a nation?
Can we grow our frequency so high
that our bright light outshines the darkness all around?
Can we turn the fucked up parts of this world upside down?
Can we ever grow and heal past our ancestral hate?
Can we walk, breath and rise above in love, and not continue to further separate?
Can it be about every woman and man on the Earth, not just my country, my color, my people?
Where does this hate, this evil, come from?
How can one person, one group or one nation feel so much hatred and separation?
I say I don’t get hate
but then shit like this goes down,
and I think just wait
Maybe it is in me too - to feel the hate
Cuz I’m struggling right now to appreciate I’m struggling to find the compassion for men like these sociopathic police
I’m loosing faith - Ioosing trust
Despite desperately wanting to believe in all of us as one collective
I go back and forth now
teetering on the edge
badly wanting to cling to and hold onto my faith -
trusting we are in the middle of a massive global shift -
into what could become a beautiful space, creating peace and harmony within -
all around the globe -
for every single person’s heart -
a new beginning a new start...
But the other edge has me deeply concerned,
my faith being tested
Sadness deep with
I’m wondering how bad it has to get first, before the shift can begin
Or has it already begun and we are in the middle of it?
What will life be like on the other side?
The very fact I even teeter on this edge makes me feel truly sad
Cuz despite the hate, the evil, the Corruption,
I never want to deny that there is also beauty all around -
kindness and goodness in so many ways - true parts of our species so beautiful, so wise -
when we are looking for it we can often find it -
but will we overcome?
Can we all finally get to bask in the love?
People fighting each other - killing each other - wars - famine - poverty - pain - racism- sexism -judgement -
the fucking mindset “survival of the fittest” ...
Is harmony with one another and our Earth possible ?
What will it take... What will it take?
A lot is at stake ...
So again - maybe we die out and start anew ...
I don’t know the answers but I do know what’s true for me...
That no matter what, if it’s love over hate - count me in...
I’ll do the personal work
I’ll explore my inner mind -
Improve upon my personal judgements toward all of mankind
I’ll heal my heart so my soul can shine
I’ll stand up and speak my mind
I’ll hold your hand - I’ll rise above
I will do my best everyday to show up in love
Even when it’s very hard - I’ll still do my best to find -
deep within the ability to rally compassion and understand
I’m committed to elevating, increasing vibration,
And no matter what I’ll keep on forgiving - myself and everyone else
And I am committed to recognizing the power within me -
holding space for ALL race
I embrace the faith that we can all rise in our personal power together
We are so damn powerful -
when we truly unite -
So I say, fuck it then - let’s fight... but a different fight... a fight shining our light
There isn’t a battle that can’t be won - when the battle is fought with LOVE as ONE.




#chooselove 💕