Time to write! Been feeling extremely overwhelmed lately. I am in the middle of going through a process of something that is known to be extremely stressful. When I signed up for it, I never thought it would get me this good. I feel like I am failing myself and God over and over again. I try to constantly remind myself, “less worry, more prayer, less worry, more prayer” and for like a day I will pray a lot and worry less, but then it seems the day after I fall right back into my old habits, worrying-worrying- and more worrying. I can sit and say that I truly do believe that there is a plan way bigger then me, and I know that I can worry all day and that will not fix any problem, it will not expedite answers, it will not provide results. The only thing it will do is stress me out, interfere with my ability to perform in all other facets of my life, and interrupt the health of my closest relationships. With that, no one wins. So despite that I can sit and remind myself that this is all truth and exactly how I feel, it is a whole different story to actually remind myself constantly and let go.
I am going to give it a solid try though - that is for sure. Starting tonight. I went on a walk with my little monster, and found myself stressing and thinking and going back in forth in my head over all this stuff for half the walk when it hit me. I wasted almost half my walk worrying about something I have absolutely NO control over, which was my valuable prayer time - my time with not only Mowgli, but God. So I took a deep breath, and let it all go. I prayed, I asked for forgiveness for not staying true to my commitment to pray more, worry less, and I moved on. Now I am not saying I will be perfect from here on out - but I will be damned if I am not going to try to be more aware of my thoughts and actions each and everyday regarding this stressor in my life! I will get through this just like I will get through bigger and more stressful times in my life yet to come. I will come out strong. I will accept that whatever is suppose to happen will happen, and I will trust in the master plan.
More then anything, I know I need to let go of a few things, and leave the process in the hands of God, so that I can function normally and be myself again. I have been running around like a crazy chicken with its head cut off not knowing left from right, forgetting simple, but essential tasks, neglecting the love of my life (my little monster) and pushing away those I care most about. I keep feeling so overwhelmed, not understanding how to quite balance it all, when the reality is that IF I wasn’t so wound up over things I can’t even control, then I would be mentally stronger and more capable of balancing those things I do have control over. I can do this... I can.. I will...