So thanks to a good friend having the courage to call me out on my ish, I have come to the realization that lately I have been sub par. It was brought to my attention that I have been more negative then usual and that everything in my world lately has come with a “...BUT...” Whoa... I honestly didn’t even realize until it was pointed out - but once I heard it, I realized it was true - totally true! I learned several years ago that a “true friend will always stab you in the face” ... My best friend is Sophia... She ALWAYS stabs me in the face.. Sounds harsh right? But it’s just figuratively speaking.. See, she has the guts to call me out on my shiz, even if she knows in the moment it might hurt. She isn’t afraid to hurt my feelings, cuz she knows she is truly helping me. She helps me see clearly and gives me a chance to choose to grow. Matt does this for me as well. I would like to say that our communication is definitely a strong point in our relationship, thanks to him - for some reason, he makes it easy. In any relationship this communication & honesty is crucial... I think often in intimate relationships failure occurs because of lack of solid communication. One person doesn’t confront the other about what is bothering them, and then it builds and builds until there is a break down. How unfair to the other person, if he/she didn’t even have a chance to be called out and choose to change or grow. So needless to say, I am so grateful that I have friends that will call me out when needed.
So I just got off on a little tangent about friends and communication, but getting back to my point - I was called out the other day on my negativity. Sooooo, what did I do after this conversation? Well, for starters, I thought about it. I did a lot of reflecting back on the past few weeks, my interactions, reactions, words, thoughts, and attitude... and the truth is - I saw that negative person, and I saw the tension it created. So then what did I do? I prayed! .. And then I had a wonderful conversation with a friend, and then I prayed some more, and then I thought some more. In the midst of this, I truly needed to understand where this recent shift in behavior and attitude came from, how it got the best of me, what I could do to snap out of it, and then get back to the peaceful place I worked so hard to once achieve. I could sit here and go on and on writing about how I got there - but the reality is - that part doesn't matter - what matters is where I am going from here!
At one point I sat down at my computer, went into my website to read my “about me” page. See, this page was basically my LIFE MISSION STATEMENT (simply put) ... I wrote it with intent for how I wanted to live my life each and every day, the woman I wanted to be, and the mindset I wanted to carry with me through thick and thin. As I thoroughly read through the whole page I had serious moments where I thought to myself "Where is this woman? ...cuz she sounds pretty damn awesome..." Well truth is, she is still there (or here I should say) - I Just needed that reminder of who I really am and what I live for ....I was just clouded for a minute... a long minute that is.... I worked hard over the past several years to get to that peaceful place. That place where I knew I was in charge (well partially in charge) of my destiny. I didn’t loose that mindset overnight - I just had a few things fog it up... BUT (now this is a good but) I'm back... and ready to rock it one more time... Reading that mission statement again and again, reminding myself why God wakes me up EVERY day with a gift of fresh air and life on Earth... It's not for me <3 <3 <3