There is this author/speaker, whom I really adore… His name is Bob Goff… His energy is contagious… he has this ability to just share his gift of love and zest for life every time I hear him speak, and through every word he writes.
There is this book he wrote called, Love Does. It is truly beautiful short book packed w/ so many gems and treasures… It is based on the premise that love is a verb, an action, a choice… When we choose to love someone (ourself included) we are making a choice, every day, every minute, over and over again. Sometimes we might not feel like it, but we do it anyways… because, well, that is what LOVE DOES.
So anyhow… like I said, this book is packed with little gems… so many good quotes I could go on for days… but rather I will just suggest you read it… and I will share just one with you today.
“I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.”
When I first read this quote years ago I loved it… but for some reason I always remembered it ‘incorrectly’… I remembered it as “I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to love them” Now I know that I always remembered it this way because subconsciously that is what I really needed to learn to do… and perhaps in actuality it is one and the same - the original quote and the way I remembered it. To be with them - to love them - what’s really the difference right?
You know what I learned when I finally had this realization? I learned that when I stopped wanting to fix everyone else… I got to spend a lot more time focused on myself… going inward… and seeing how the desire to fix everyone else was simply a mirror into my own pressure to always ‘fix’ myself, but it became a good distraction from this pressure… IF I was focusing on everyone else’s ‘shortcomings’, then I didn’t have to focus on my own.
Through this realization; however, I came to understand how IF I truly wanted to learn to just love everyone else, I had to learn to love me too. I had to learn that I wasn’t broken, that I didn’t need fixed, I just needed loved.
It’s quite amazing and beautiful how we are all so capable of rising into our greatness when we are truly loved, seen, heard, and accepted with compassion. So I set about a mission. For a year I was committed to not dating, not coaching, and not focusing on anyone but ME. It was my turn to finally go within, to see what I needed, and honor that truth. Along the way, I learned what truth was - MY truth… aligning more authentically to the me I was always meant to be. I learned all about my inner authority, setting boundaries, unapologetically, and doing the things that my mindbody & soul needed.
I was able to discover ALL the stories, personality traits, and belief systems that no longer serve me… But more importantly I was able to see how much pressure I put on myself subconsciously for so damn long, and feel how exhausting that might feel… and through this I learned what self compassion actually feels like… moments where I wanted to just hold the little girl inside and tell her “I am sorry. I love you. I see you. I hear you. I am here with you. You will never be alone again. I’m sorry I was so so damn hard on you”… and this compassion… well.. it set me free.
What I thought began as a journey to love the other, shifted into a reflection inward. What I then thought was a journey of healing physical pain and dis-ease… became so much deeper.. opening the door into my soul… into my inner knowing… into compassion, and allowing me to release that which no longer serves me to come more into self. To love the woman I see in the mirror… the little girl inside who has been so strong and got me to where I am today.
Am I done? My goodness, no… Nor will I ever be done… Healing is a life long journey, growth is a life long journey. I believe we are here as a spirit in this human experience to REMEMBER the truth of who we are… which is pure love. And in remembering we get to learn how to love again - love truly, fully, completely, and unconditionally. And love DOES… love is a verb…so we are never done… as long as we have breath, we have opportunities to love.
I also believe it is through our ability to love ourself and hold loving kindness & compassion for ourself that we can truly learn to love the other. Though, in this, through the love we have for ourself and boundaries, we can CHOOSE who we have to love from afar… I’m also learning I don’t have to love everyone… and if I don’t today, that is ok… I’m not falling short. Sometimes I think in the realm of spirituality we are just given more rules, more high expectations, more ways we convince ourself we are falling short. This is just one example, IF I find myself not liking or loving someone, am I wrong? bad? Do I go back into the judgements? The pressure? Or is it just flipping ok? I think it’s just OK.
So now where am I at? Now I have this absolute passion in my belly to not only continue to stay committed to honoring my boundaries, honoring my truth, leading myself with compassion, and spreading a message. I believe we are ALL self healers. We ALL have the power within to achieve anything we desire. We are ALL worthy of self love, compassion, healing & absolute well being. And I just hope and pray that over time I am able to spread this message through setting an example… and holding space for others to do the same. Let’s light this world up by allowing our lights to shine brighter… The world needs us ALL now more then ever!!!
While you do absolutely have the answers within YOU… we all do… I understand that sometimes we can feel lost, confused, or not know where to begin… so when you are ready to take your power back, when you are ready to choose to love yourself fully and completely (as a VERB), and shine your light… if you need support, encouragement, a friend, a hand to hold, or just a little guidance… just know that I am here. I am here in whatever way I can be, while still showing up for myself first. I am here. You are worthy. You are enough. You are a brilliant light inside waiting to shine.