I know. I get it. I can begin to imagine all the rebuttals to this question. “Not me, no there is no way, you have no idea how hard I’ve had it. No, life has not been for me, it’s been dark and heavy and I’m a mess. I hate life. What’s the point of it all? I’m in pain, I hurt, you wouldn’t understand. Lady, your crazy - you obviously had a fairy tale childhood.”
I get it. In my younger years I couldn’t see it yet either. Stuck in what felt like an eternal downward spiral of pain on every level... swimming up steam against a massive current, feeling most days like I was drowning, but secretly, of course, because I can’t let anyone know I don’t have it all together. Unless we are talking about the victim card. Then I could have played that all damn day. Of course it wasn’t my fault. None of it obviously. I mean how could it be - everyone else did it to me! (insert sarcasm) The universe isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. Why meeeeeeeeee !!!
Ugh I have to honestly say I have heard it all - straight from my own mouth and mind. I was in deep, and I just couldn’t see how 1. I could have possibly been playing a role, and 2. the bigger and most important part: that it was ALL FOR me. That’s right I said it. It was ALL FOR me. The trauma, the pain, the sorrow, the sadness, the anger, the loss, the life that felt like groundhog day because I kept reliving the same story, different era. Ya you read that right, and to place emphasis here - I will say it again. It ALL was FOR me. And you know what? It’s for you too, when you are ready to see it. Because I can’t make you. I can share my story. I can share perspective. I can share what helped me shift, but at the end of the day, we all live this life in our own divine timing, and only you can make the choices for you. Only you can decide the trajectory of your future, what your next chapter will look like, or as a matter of fact, your whole damn book.
We have choice, I said that too. I know, I know.... here it comes ... “but you don’t understand, I don’t have a choice, it’s impossible”… Right, and what is that classic saying? When we defend our limitations, we get to keep them? Mmm classic I love that one. Read it again. Because while I can not hold your hand, and while I can not make the choices for you, nor can I most likely even convince you that you do indeed have the ability to choose, I can say that we ALWAYS have choice, even in what appears to be the most impossible situation.
Now listen, never ever have I said nor will I say, it’s easy, but it is in fact, possible. Quite frankly, most of the wonderfully helpful tasks in life to live our best lives are simple in theory; much harder in practicality. Again, not impossible. I guess we each get to decide how bad we want it (whatever IT is). We have to be willing and more committed to finding the reasons in our life WHY the universe is FOR us, rather then affirming what we previously believed. Hey if you aren’t there yet - no judgement that’s ok too. Remember I said I couldn’t force you.
However I challenge you to ask yourself what are you getting from staying stuck? What are you getting from being a victim? What are you getting from believing the worst? There is ALWAYS a give and take (cost verse benefit). Even if unconscious, there is always a way we are being served, unfortunately in these circumstances it is our ego, our unconscious, our deepest fears and old stories that are being served, not our potential or best self. Now if you can figure out the answer to this - then you get to decide what is most important. Because remember - you always have choice - even within your own self.
Let me ask you this. Do you want to be empowered? Do you want to step into your personal power and start creating a new destiny?
Or will you decide to stay in the life you have always known, the story that you have, and defend your current state til death?
I know for me that I reached a point where enough was enough. No more Groundhog Day for this Gal! And I have to tell you, the very second I took my power back, the very second I realized how empowering it was to step into responsibility, was the moment I knew I would never go back. Does this mean it was instant, perfect and wrapped up in a red bow? Haha don’t we all wish. Does it mean, moments where I felt the victim rise within? Or the old stories creep back up? Or the voices tell me I can’t do it, don’t deserve it, or it’s too hard? NO way - come on - even Disney movies aren’t that perfect. Nope in fact, quite opposite. You know why? It’s the magic sauce - it’s ALL a part of the big old grand universe having yo-back! That’s right. I know - that sounds confusing, let me give you an example. Say I spent my whole life living as a perfect justified victim. Now I decide I will step into a life of empowerment. I will decide that a victim isn’t my story. Well guess what, the kind and generous universe will surely give me a chance to prove it, to practice this new way of being. Isn’t that grand?
Ok I think this calls for another explanation: our ego, which is like a child loves what is known - what is familiar. Our nervous system maintains an energy aligned with our present based on our past until we teach it something new. I decide to step into a new truth. Ego (child) feels scared and threatened by this newness… nervous system attracts into my experience a match for what was familiar to feel safe again. Ohhhh in this moment I can give in and say well ok - I wasn’t that serious anyhow. OR - I can make a choice - I can accept the unknown, I can compassionately soothe that little crying ego and gently remind her not today. And I can laugh and delight that this was merely another opportunity from the Universe to stay committed to my new choice. See - FOR me… Reminder - didn’t say it was easy. Only worth it, at least for me. For you? Maybe?!? That’s for you to decide.
Lately I have been being challenged by some old stories of my past, old insecurities. My choice is to notice, and then say, I understand you fear, I hear you fear, but let me show you ALL the evidence ALL around me that supports that isn’t my story or truth anymore. For example, sometimes we have something happen. Let’s say it triggers a twinge of unlovability. Well it can be easy to get caught up on that story, and then focus on all the proof we can find to support how and why we aren’t lovable…. OR because this is highly unlikely our actual truth, we can honor the old story, hold space for that inner child feeling, but then affirm and show her ALL the ways that support that story is not our story, and no longer holds value or truth in our life.
What we focus on we create more of…where attention goes, energy flows…so when I am looking for ALL the evidence to how I am lovable, or good enough, loved, heard, supported, seen, understood, valuable and worthy - then guess what? WE FIND IT!!! We do - we find the reasons to support these beliefs. Just the same… if we buy into the old stories that are not our truth, well, guess what, we can find that evidence as well…. So again… what does it come down to? Choice! Choice! Choice!
I don’t know about you… but damn I love having a choice ! <3
SO I choose to trust that the Universe is for ME! The best part: She is for you too! And you…and you…and you!
I’m not enough
I’m too much ...
What does it all mean!?!
“Completely conflicting beliefs - is this one big dream .. gone bad ... perhaps a nightmare....Wake me up - no joke - before I feel despair ... oh wait - I’ve already been there.”
Your too hyper - too happy - can you tone it down
Oh now stop you’re crying - Dry your eyes - your being dramatic
You are just a girl ....
You are so smart - all brains - it’s just easy for you - “what you don’t think I work hard??? - well I do”
And where did you come from, it sure wasn’t us ....
But be a good girl and do as you are told, don’t dare ask why... go ahead and try me - see what you get.
Sports, no silly girl you aren’t athletic - you lack coordination. You definely can’t dance - your poor thing - you got your dad’s lack of rhythm...and do yourself a favor and don’t ever sing.
Too whoo whoo too hippie ... cant take you seriously
Your opinion doesn’t count cuz your ideals are unrealistic
You just gonna be one of those educated bumms wasting your skill - will you ever grow up?
Your moving away ? Well we know you will be back - it’s too expensive out there - you won’t make it - you will never last.
Wait, You don’t want a 9-5 & you don’t work full time -you aren’t up at sunrise working until midnight? I will ask you again what are you even doing with your life?
Ohhhh well you must just be lazy - sleep is over rated - it’s for the weak...
Play is for kids, now be an adult. Figure out what your life is about!
“Oh and by life do you mean what soul sucking job I will do - that you approve - that takes all my time - and sucks me dry.... stay stuck in the drama cycle and feel the stress and complain and bitch and moan like all of the rest?”
This is what life’s all about don’t you know? What, you think you are better then us cuz you don’t want the same stuff?
“Well I have and I do what I want - I’m happy, abundant and have more then I need ... isn’t this enough? How much more should I want? Yes I would love eventually to earn even more money to give lots back and this day is not far ahead - trust me at that.”
No no silly girl money doesn’t grow on trees - in fact it’s the root of all evil - rich people steal - so don’t you dare earn it and be one of those people.
And your hair - it’s too short - short hair is for boys ... and would you ever put on makeup and dress yourself up? You mean your going out in what you are wearing? Your not gonna change? Your not even going to do your hair? Those eyebrows to thick too thin - can’t you get it right?
You know you are getting old quick - I hope you use face cream .... and do you wanna die alone? No one is perfect so you may as well settle...
Ugh no kids for you either - well that’s a misfortune - you selfish woman -you are missing out - you will never - could never possibly understand true unconditional love - this is something only a mother knows...
Oh you have a dog and you think you understand love? Silly girl a dog is nothing like a child - I should know.
“Apparently other people get to decide how we should, should not, could, or could not possibly feel ...
Suddenly we are put into some box that says well he believes it -so then it must be - it just must.”
Give your power away - trust me I say- I’m the expert - I know what’s best for you these days...
And don’t worry if it’s wrong you can rest knowing you are the victim no fault of your own -you can pass the blame along.
Let me tell you how you should live your life ... and if you aren’t -how you should feel and never mind how you think you feel - those feelings aren’t even real ...
You believe in what? Oh that nonsense shit - that again - oh please just sit.
Another book you are reading another class you take? All this spiritual self development it’s all just fake. You have been working on yourself your whole life - why the need - if it actually worked then maybe you would be someone else... and you wouldn’t need to keep reading more - never mind the fact it’s a lifelong journey ...
oh wait what? .... back track .... Who says it’s not about a destination?!?
I’m totally going to be happy when I get there. Get where you ask? You know .. there ... the place I’ve never been - but when - just when I do - you will see - I will truly be happy - follow me.... you know the saying ... misery loves me some company.
“Nah I think I’ll pass on all that .... I’m going to stay on my own path - it has led me beautiful places, always in the graces .... and I’m feeling love from the divine - my life is unfolding in perfect time.
Thank you for all the trials and tribulations - it’s all of this that I’ve gone through that makes me me - and as far as who I am - I’m as proud as can be. I stand firm in my truth - and celebrate joyfully ... so you do you...and I will do me.”
I spoke a poem today
I spoke it out loud
I even spoke it to a tiny crowd
I was definitely nervous
But for what reason was I nervous?
What do I have to hide?
Am I not allowed to be humble & feel pride?
Do I fear being seen or heard ... or...
Judged from outside
I’m on a journey of self love
Connecting to my truest truth
Learning to be the best version of me
So then wouldn’t it make sense
That I could be willing to be
Open & vulnerable
Not worried about who sees
Or hears or if I offend
When I know I come from a place of only love in the end ❤️