There is this author/speaker, whom I really adore… His name is Bob Goff… His energy is contagious… he has this ability to just share his gift of love and zest for life every time I hear him speak, and through every word he writes.
There is this book he wrote called, Love Does. It is truly beautiful short book packed w/ so many gems and treasures… It is based on the premise that love is a verb, an action, a choice… When we choose to love someone (ourself included) we are making a choice, every day, every minute, over and over again. Sometimes we might not feel like it, but we do it anyways… because, well, that is what LOVE DOES.
So anyhow… like I said, this book is packed with little gems… so many good quotes I could go on for days… but rather I will just suggest you read it… and I will share just one with you today.
“I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.”
When I first read this quote years ago I loved it… but for some reason I always remembered it ‘incorrectly’… I remembered it as “I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to love them” Now I know that I always remembered it this way because subconsciously that is what I really needed to learn to do… and perhaps in actuality it is one and the same - the original quote and the way I remembered it. To be with them - to love them - what’s really the difference right?
You know what I learned when I finally had this realization? I learned that when I stopped wanting to fix everyone else… I got to spend a lot more time focused on myself… going inward… and seeing how the desire to fix everyone else was simply a mirror into my own pressure to always ‘fix’ myself, but it became a good distraction from this pressure… IF I was focusing on everyone else’s ‘shortcomings’, then I didn’t have to focus on my own.
Through this realization; however, I came to understand how IF I truly wanted to learn to just love everyone else, I had to learn to love me too. I had to learn that I wasn’t broken, that I didn’t need fixed, I just needed loved.
It’s quite amazing and beautiful how we are all so capable of rising into our greatness when we are truly loved, seen, heard, and accepted with compassion. So I set about a mission. For a year I was committed to not dating, not coaching, and not focusing on anyone but ME. It was my turn to finally go within, to see what I needed, and honor that truth. Along the way, I learned what truth was - MY truth… aligning more authentically to the me I was always meant to be. I learned all about my inner authority, setting boundaries, unapologetically, and doing the things that my mindbody & soul needed.
I was able to discover ALL the stories, personality traits, and belief systems that no longer serve me… But more importantly I was able to see how much pressure I put on myself subconsciously for so damn long, and feel how exhausting that might feel… and through this I learned what self compassion actually feels like… moments where I wanted to just hold the little girl inside and tell her “I am sorry. I love you. I see you. I hear you. I am here with you. You will never be alone again. I’m sorry I was so so damn hard on you”… and this compassion… well.. it set me free.
What I thought began as a journey to love the other, shifted into a reflection inward. What I then thought was a journey of healing physical pain and dis-ease… became so much deeper.. opening the door into my soul… into my inner knowing… into compassion, and allowing me to release that which no longer serves me to come more into self. To love the woman I see in the mirror… the little girl inside who has been so strong and got me to where I am today.
Am I done? My goodness, no… Nor will I ever be done… Healing is a life long journey, growth is a life long journey. I believe we are here as a spirit in this human experience to REMEMBER the truth of who we are… which is pure love. And in remembering we get to learn how to love again - love truly, fully, completely, and unconditionally. And love DOES… love is a verb…so we are never done… as long as we have breath, we have opportunities to love.
I also believe it is through our ability to love ourself and hold loving kindness & compassion for ourself that we can truly learn to love the other. Though, in this, through the love we have for ourself and boundaries, we can CHOOSE who we have to love from afar… I’m also learning I don’t have to love everyone… and if I don’t today, that is ok… I’m not falling short. Sometimes I think in the realm of spirituality we are just given more rules, more high expectations, more ways we convince ourself we are falling short. This is just one example, IF I find myself not liking or loving someone, am I wrong? bad? Do I go back into the judgements? The pressure? Or is it just flipping ok? I think it’s just OK.
So now where am I at? Now I have this absolute passion in my belly to not only continue to stay committed to honoring my boundaries, honoring my truth, leading myself with compassion, and spreading a message. I believe we are ALL self healers. We ALL have the power within to achieve anything we desire. We are ALL worthy of self love, compassion, healing & absolute well being. And I just hope and pray that over time I am able to spread this message through setting an example… and holding space for others to do the same. Let’s light this world up by allowing our lights to shine brighter… The world needs us ALL now more then ever!!!
While you do absolutely have the answers within YOU… we all do… I understand that sometimes we can feel lost, confused, or not know where to begin… so when you are ready to take your power back, when you are ready to choose to love yourself fully and completely (as a VERB), and shine your light… if you need support, encouragement, a friend, a hand to hold, or just a little guidance… just know that I am here. I am here in whatever way I can be, while still showing up for myself first. I am here. You are worthy. You are enough. You are a brilliant light inside waiting to shine.
So I have been reading this book lately called “A Complaint Free World” by Will Bowen & I LOVE IT! I have also been working on this dynamic neural retraining system by Annie Hopper that is a fabulous tool to practice daily to reprogram and rewire our brain. As Dr. Joe Dispenza always says, “Neurons that wire together fire together” … It has become extremely evident that our brain indeed has plasticity, meaning the ability to change. It is also known that we can’t change, grow or heal from within the same environment we got sick. Meaning, that whatever neurons are firing together to get us sick, has to be rewired into something new if we want to get well. So there are so many available tools these days to help us give our brain an upgrade. Whether it is the tools from the dynamic neural retraining system, bringing awareness to one’s self to become complaint free, meditation on rewiring the brain by elevating emotions, it all comes down to awareness & repetition. In addition, I believe that in order to maintain the necessary awareness and level of repetition it also requires a strong will and desire to change, grow and/or heal.
We have to trust that there is a better life waiting for us to tap into once we can create new pathways to access it. So many of us have so many negative emotions, negative mental loops, and negative habits that we aren’t even aware of. It is only through awareness can we ever step into the path of change. I know that our mind is a very powerful tool, and I truly believe through the power of accessing consciousness and staying in a state of awareness as often as possible that any healing is possible, both mental, emotional, and physiological…because it is ALL connected. However, this isn’t easy - again, it takes work - repetition - daily commitments, and support.
I definitely do not believe we are limited to the tools listed above, as I am sure there are endless ways to achieve the goal of growth/healing/change… however, it is so critical for each of us to find the tools that work for each of us and then repeat repeat repeat. For me, I think it is a combination of finding the BEST tools for me, that feel most authentic, along with timing and motivation. I have SO. MUCH. DESIRE. and motivation and the will to practice each and every day.
The Complaint Free World is opening my mind to HOW VERY GUILT I am of frequent complaining, and I mean A LOT. Wow… it is teaching me HOW many of us use complaining as our primary form of communication, almost as if we don’t know any other way to connect. And, I don’t say this to beat myself up and sink into my emotional addiction of shame. I simply say it to notice and let it light a fire in my belly to step into something new. As the old saying goes “BE the CHANGE you wish to see… in the world”… So IF I want to see a more loving, positive, happy, joyful, embracing, playful world, then I absolutely have to start creating these traits within… AND while they are all absolutely already a part of who I am - it has become evident that the primary neurons firing in my brain are not of the above emotions - rather dominated by shame, sadness, fear, anxiety, angst, insecurity and more. MOST likely these mostly stem from childhood trauma and wounds, and since then have gotten stronger and stronger as they continue to wire and fire together over time as I fall back into the emotions, and relationship patterns that reinforce them. Considering this has been happening under the radar now for 39 years, creating a lasting change into something new will take commitment, focus, awareness and strong will, all of which I can proudly say I have now.
BRING IT ON.
So with that said, I am 100% excited and ready to embark on this 21 day complaint free challenge, to reprogram my way of thinking, communicating, relating, connecting, being, and manifesting. It is shown that it takes the average person anywhere from 4-8 months to actually complete a FULL 21 day NO complaint cycle. WOW! The idea is over this time though we will naturally become happier, and therefore healthier, and have a vastly differently outlook on life. Obviously the idea is to be as conscious and aware of the words that come out of my mouth as possible, and hopefully grow in awareness over time. To think before I speak, to learn to use my words wisely, and find new ways of relating. With that said, as I begin this journey, I am sure I will fumble, mess up (according to statistics) over and over and over again… And therefore, I need support & accountability - so EACH person in my life, has my permission to please -please please call me out in a loving way. IF you notice any form of complaint, gossip or negative comments escape my mouth, kindly stop me dead in my tracks. I understand this is a huge request, and I am gracious to each person who is willing to be bold enough to call me out and support me on this journey.
I also welcome anyone who is interested in BEING THE CHANGE to join me on this challenge… Let’s rewire together… because the positive force of 2 or 3 or more of us is always more powerful then the force of one. So IF you are ready to step into conscious awareness and be willing to learn about how you show up in the world and create positive changes within, then start with me TODAY! What better time that NOW :)
The idea is to grab a bracelet of some sort that you can get on and off easily… and EVERY morning it starts on one wrist - and EVERY time you or someone catches you in a complaint - you switch wrists. Every time you have a complaint in a day you start over at day 1 again tomorrow - but just because you have one complaint and have to start over doesn’t mean the rest of that day is a “free” day - it means keep switching wrists so you can become aware of HOW much you might actually complain and then celebrate the improvements over time!!!
Are you ready? IF so, message me and let me know so we can support each other! XOXOXOXOO
Cheers to Change <3
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