There is this author/speaker, whom I really adore… His name is Bob Goff… His energy is contagious… he has this ability to just share his gift of love and zest for life every time I hear him speak, and through every word he writes.
There is this book he wrote called, Love Does. It is truly beautiful short book packed w/ so many gems and treasures… It is based on the premise that love is a verb, an action, a choice… When we choose to love someone (ourself included) we are making a choice, every day, every minute, over and over again. Sometimes we might not feel like it, but we do it anyways… because, well, that is what LOVE DOES.
So anyhow… like I said, this book is packed with little gems… so many good quotes I could go on for days… but rather I will just suggest you read it… and I will share just one with you today.
“I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.”
When I first read this quote years ago I loved it… but for some reason I always remembered it ‘incorrectly’… I remembered it as “I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to love them” Now I know that I always remembered it this way because subconsciously that is what I really needed to learn to do… and perhaps in actuality it is one and the same - the original quote and the way I remembered it. To be with them - to love them - what’s really the difference right?
You know what I learned when I finally had this realization? I learned that when I stopped wanting to fix everyone else… I got to spend a lot more time focused on myself… going inward… and seeing how the desire to fix everyone else was simply a mirror into my own pressure to always ‘fix’ myself, but it became a good distraction from this pressure… IF I was focusing on everyone else’s ‘shortcomings’, then I didn’t have to focus on my own.
Through this realization; however, I came to understand how IF I truly wanted to learn to just love everyone else, I had to learn to love me too. I had to learn that I wasn’t broken, that I didn’t need fixed, I just needed loved.
It’s quite amazing and beautiful how we are all so capable of rising into our greatness when we are truly loved, seen, heard, and accepted with compassion. So I set about a mission. For a year I was committed to not dating, not coaching, and not focusing on anyone but ME. It was my turn to finally go within, to see what I needed, and honor that truth. Along the way, I learned what truth was - MY truth… aligning more authentically to the me I was always meant to be. I learned all about my inner authority, setting boundaries, unapologetically, and doing the things that my mindbody & soul needed.
I was able to discover ALL the stories, personality traits, and belief systems that no longer serve me… But more importantly I was able to see how much pressure I put on myself subconsciously for so damn long, and feel how exhausting that might feel… and through this I learned what self compassion actually feels like… moments where I wanted to just hold the little girl inside and tell her “I am sorry. I love you. I see you. I hear you. I am here with you. You will never be alone again. I’m sorry I was so so damn hard on you”… and this compassion… well.. it set me free.
What I thought began as a journey to love the other, shifted into a reflection inward. What I then thought was a journey of healing physical pain and dis-ease… became so much deeper.. opening the door into my soul… into my inner knowing… into compassion, and allowing me to release that which no longer serves me to come more into self. To love the woman I see in the mirror… the little girl inside who has been so strong and got me to where I am today.
Am I done? My goodness, no… Nor will I ever be done… Healing is a life long journey, growth is a life long journey. I believe we are here as a spirit in this human experience to REMEMBER the truth of who we are… which is pure love. And in remembering we get to learn how to love again - love truly, fully, completely, and unconditionally. And love DOES… love is a verb…so we are never done… as long as we have breath, we have opportunities to love.
I also believe it is through our ability to love ourself and hold loving kindness & compassion for ourself that we can truly learn to love the other. Though, in this, through the love we have for ourself and boundaries, we can CHOOSE who we have to love from afar… I’m also learning I don’t have to love everyone… and if I don’t today, that is ok… I’m not falling short. Sometimes I think in the realm of spirituality we are just given more rules, more high expectations, more ways we convince ourself we are falling short. This is just one example, IF I find myself not liking or loving someone, am I wrong? bad? Do I go back into the judgements? The pressure? Or is it just flipping ok? I think it’s just OK.
So now where am I at? Now I have this absolute passion in my belly to not only continue to stay committed to honoring my boundaries, honoring my truth, leading myself with compassion, and spreading a message. I believe we are ALL self healers. We ALL have the power within to achieve anything we desire. We are ALL worthy of self love, compassion, healing & absolute well being. And I just hope and pray that over time I am able to spread this message through setting an example… and holding space for others to do the same. Let’s light this world up by allowing our lights to shine brighter… The world needs us ALL now more then ever!!!
While you do absolutely have the answers within YOU… we all do… I understand that sometimes we can feel lost, confused, or not know where to begin… so when you are ready to take your power back, when you are ready to choose to love yourself fully and completely (as a VERB), and shine your light… if you need support, encouragement, a friend, a hand to hold, or just a little guidance… just know that I am here. I am here in whatever way I can be, while still showing up for myself first. I am here. You are worthy. You are enough. You are a brilliant light inside waiting to shine.
I know. I get it. I can begin to imagine all the rebuttals to this question. “Not me, no there is no way, you have no idea how hard I’ve had it. No, life has not been for me, it’s been dark and heavy and I’m a mess. I hate life. What’s the point of it all? I’m in pain, I hurt, you wouldn’t understand. Lady, your crazy - you obviously had a fairy tale childhood.”
I get it. In my younger years I couldn’t see it yet either. Stuck in what felt like an eternal downward spiral of pain on every level... swimming up steam against a massive current, feeling most days like I was drowning, but secretly, of course, because I can’t let anyone know I don’t have it all together. Unless we are talking about the victim card. Then I could have played that all damn day. Of course it wasn’t my fault. None of it obviously. I mean how could it be - everyone else did it to me! (insert sarcasm) The universe isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. Why meeeeeeeeee !!!
Ugh I have to honestly say I have heard it all - straight from my own mouth and mind. I was in deep, and I just couldn’t see how 1. I could have possibly been playing a role, and 2. the bigger and most important part: that it was ALL FOR me. That’s right I said it. It was ALL FOR me. The trauma, the pain, the sorrow, the sadness, the anger, the loss, the life that felt like groundhog day because I kept reliving the same story, different era. Ya you read that right, and to place emphasis here - I will say it again. It ALL was FOR me. And you know what? It’s for you too, when you are ready to see it. Because I can’t make you. I can share my story. I can share perspective. I can share what helped me shift, but at the end of the day, we all live this life in our own divine timing, and only you can make the choices for you. Only you can decide the trajectory of your future, what your next chapter will look like, or as a matter of fact, your whole damn book.
We have choice, I said that too. I know, I know.... here it comes ... “but you don’t understand, I don’t have a choice, it’s impossible”… Right, and what is that classic saying? When we defend our limitations, we get to keep them? Mmm classic I love that one. Read it again. Because while I can not hold your hand, and while I can not make the choices for you, nor can I most likely even convince you that you do indeed have the ability to choose, I can say that we ALWAYS have choice, even in what appears to be the most impossible situation.
Now listen, never ever have I said nor will I say, it’s easy, but it is in fact, possible. Quite frankly, most of the wonderfully helpful tasks in life to live our best lives are simple in theory; much harder in practicality. Again, not impossible. I guess we each get to decide how bad we want it (whatever IT is). We have to be willing and more committed to finding the reasons in our life WHY the universe is FOR us, rather then affirming what we previously believed. Hey if you aren’t there yet - no judgement that’s ok too. Remember I said I couldn’t force you.
However I challenge you to ask yourself what are you getting from staying stuck? What are you getting from being a victim? What are you getting from believing the worst? There is ALWAYS a give and take (cost verse benefit). Even if unconscious, there is always a way we are being served, unfortunately in these circumstances it is our ego, our unconscious, our deepest fears and old stories that are being served, not our potential or best self. Now if you can figure out the answer to this - then you get to decide what is most important. Because remember - you always have choice - even within your own self.
Let me ask you this. Do you want to be empowered? Do you want to step into your personal power and start creating a new destiny?
Or will you decide to stay in the life you have always known, the story that you have, and defend your current state til death?
I know for me that I reached a point where enough was enough. No more Groundhog Day for this Gal! And I have to tell you, the very second I took my power back, the very second I realized how empowering it was to step into responsibility, was the moment I knew I would never go back. Does this mean it was instant, perfect and wrapped up in a red bow? Haha don’t we all wish. Does it mean, moments where I felt the victim rise within? Or the old stories creep back up? Or the voices tell me I can’t do it, don’t deserve it, or it’s too hard? NO way - come on - even Disney movies aren’t that perfect. Nope in fact, quite opposite. You know why? It’s the magic sauce - it’s ALL a part of the big old grand universe having yo-back! That’s right. I know - that sounds confusing, let me give you an example. Say I spent my whole life living as a perfect justified victim. Now I decide I will step into a life of empowerment. I will decide that a victim isn’t my story. Well guess what, the kind and generous universe will surely give me a chance to prove it, to practice this new way of being. Isn’t that grand?
Ok I think this calls for another explanation: our ego, which is like a child loves what is known - what is familiar. Our nervous system maintains an energy aligned with our present based on our past until we teach it something new. I decide to step into a new truth. Ego (child) feels scared and threatened by this newness… nervous system attracts into my experience a match for what was familiar to feel safe again. Ohhhh in this moment I can give in and say well ok - I wasn’t that serious anyhow. OR - I can make a choice - I can accept the unknown, I can compassionately soothe that little crying ego and gently remind her not today. And I can laugh and delight that this was merely another opportunity from the Universe to stay committed to my new choice. See - FOR me… Reminder - didn’t say it was easy. Only worth it, at least for me. For you? Maybe?!? That’s for you to decide.
Lately I have been being challenged by some old stories of my past, old insecurities. My choice is to notice, and then say, I understand you fear, I hear you fear, but let me show you ALL the evidence ALL around me that supports that isn’t my story or truth anymore. For example, sometimes we have something happen. Let’s say it triggers a twinge of unlovability. Well it can be easy to get caught up on that story, and then focus on all the proof we can find to support how and why we aren’t lovable…. OR because this is highly unlikely our actual truth, we can honor the old story, hold space for that inner child feeling, but then affirm and show her ALL the ways that support that story is not our story, and no longer holds value or truth in our life.
What we focus on we create more of…where attention goes, energy flows…so when I am looking for ALL the evidence to how I am lovable, or good enough, loved, heard, supported, seen, understood, valuable and worthy - then guess what? WE FIND IT!!! We do - we find the reasons to support these beliefs. Just the same… if we buy into the old stories that are not our truth, well, guess what, we can find that evidence as well…. So again… what does it come down to? Choice! Choice! Choice!
I don’t know about you… but damn I love having a choice ! <3
SO I choose to trust that the Universe is for ME! The best part: She is for you too! And you…and you…and you!
Immediately as I arrive
What is the first thing I do?
I kick off my shoes
Hello, my free feet say
Greeting the bare Earth - yay!
The water looks like milky glass
So peaceful and still
The sky bright shimmering blue
The sun shines a golden hue
What to do next
I already know
I grab my paddle board
My music & some water will do
On the lake I am in my element
I casually paddle & sing out loud
I wiggle my booty
I even dance around
I am filled with radiant delight
I randomly laugh out loud
And I can't stop now
A belly laugh deep & ongoing
I feel connected to my inner knowing
Then I have a brilliant idea
I set my paddle down
Splash - I jump in the water
It feels absolutely divine
Refreshing in a magical way
Maybe I can just play ALL day
No hurry, no worry, no where to be
NO final destiny
Enjoying each moment
As it comes and goes
Being with the ebs and flows
Wow I love Mother Earth
I say a prayer of gratitude
A permanent smiling attitude
So easy to be my authentic self
Here in pure harmony
I stop. I pause.
I bask in the beauty all around me
I inhale LOVE deeply
I exhale completely
The healer in me
Sees the healer in you
Yes my dear it’s very true
You have indeed been lied to
We are taught in this culture
To give our power away
We are taught this every single day
That we must go to the “experts”
For they will know the truth we seek
Or the solutions we need
But this is false you see
The answer is within you and me
You ask “where do I even begin?”
Begin by looking within
The “experts” can definitely be valuable
There is a time and place
But the biggest truths, we already know
Stop giving your power away
Take it back - why not today?
To the doctors, the medicine world
We have been giving it away for way too long
But no more, not today, not in any way
You see we don’t always need this doctor, this specialist,
This prognosis, this medicine, these supplements,
Or this restricted diet
It’s all a hot mess
It’s a system that means well, I suppose
But it’s been making us more sick
It’s disempowering people and creating more internal chaos. Not
knowing anymore who or what we can actually trust
We get hopeful, excited & then let down
Because that pill wasn’t the solution after all
Or one pain goes away and another begins
Or the aching pain heals but stomach problems persist
We mistake what is common as normal,
Without realizing how good we could actually feel
You still aren’t sure where to begin
If you can’t find the answers you seek within
If you must look “outside” of self
Look up to the sun, the stars, the moon, & the sky
For we are made of the same cells
Our soul a fragment of the soul of our Mother, our Earth.
I promise you that if there is something chronic within
That more then likely the answer indeed begins also within
It’s an inside job: exploring the inner child, rewiring your brain Call me crazy - I get it - to some this will sound insane
But we loose connection to our inner wisdom
When for so long we are taught to give our power away
So again I say, take it back - Take it back today!
Because we are all self healing beings
It’s so very true
And the healer in me, sees the healer in YOU.