Oh my goodness, it has been so LONG since I have written. I had an amazing chat with a friend today, and while we were talking about our faith I made a comment, “If you would have asked me a little over a year ago, this is never the life I would have imagined”. And you know what - it isn’t - but it is so much better, richer and joyful. There is no going back. I spent so much of my life high strung, stressed out and overloaded (whoa - and for those of you that REALLY know me - you are probably thinking “ used to? What’s she talking about - she still is!”...but cut me some slack - I am a work in progress - and always will be... but it is different now). Lately I find myself in a place where I am often reminded of those “not so great back in the days..” due to the fact that I have found myself feeling ALL of those emotions and watching those old behaviors creep up - so indecisive - racking my mind - head spinning in circles - incapable of committing - being reminded of where I once was - where I truly don’t want to be anymore.
What does it mean to let go of control and trust God? I sat today with HIM for a long time today in prayer through journalling. All I heard in my head literally over and over again was that it really all would work out - it was all ok. I felt this sudden overwhelming peace - literally pure peace. I realize I have been back where I once was - trying to do it all on my own - that didn’t work out for the best in the past - and it isn’t working out now - but it doesn’t have to be that way.
An amazing friend gave me such good advise yesterday. He said it doesn't matter what I choose or where I am. As long as I believe in myself and trust God then HE will use me anywhere. Today I realize that I don’t need to warp back in time. Today I can choose to take the deepest breath ever inhaling HIS spirit and exhaling all the crud. Life is short - and things always work out - and like my friend said... I can serve my purpose and allow God to work through me in any situation, and well, happiness is a choice - so it doesn’t get more clear then that.
At the end of the day, I am surrounded my absolutely amazing and beautiful friends, all whom of which HE placed into my life at the right times for the right reasons. I am alive in a beautiful world where the simple warmth of the sun makes me smile. I am blessed with an inquisitive nature to always learn, grow, and be better then yesterday. And, I am filled with so much passion and desire to give everything I learn back to others so that I can help enrich their lives in any way I can. So HE’s right - it really will be ok - actually it is ok - better then ok - its quite amazing... and of course it will all work out. <3