I would be OK. Of course I don’t want to die, but if I did, just know that I would be OK. A well spoken influencer, Preston Smiles, who I very much respect, once said, “I’m complete but not finished”. I feel this way about my life. No, I haven’t accomplished every goal... I haven’t had the relationship of my dreams, the job of my dreams & I haven’t reached the 6 figure mark yet with my income so that I could give a ton away... but when I sit here reflecting on life... I realize that despite these things I have still lived a beautifully abundant and rich life full of wonderful, enriching experiences. I have lived a life of pure humanness in all capacities ... I have felt the extreme of every emotion from the worst pain to the most joy. I have loved with all my heart... I have experienced and shared many of my greatest passions... I have lost deeply and painfully... I have fallen to the ground feeling like I couldn’t possibly take one more breath and carry on, and yet I got back up. I have cried and felt like things were too hard and thought to myself I couldn’t handle one more hard thing, and yet I surprised myself once again, handling not one but many more hard things thereafter.
I have had many opportunities for growth and healing, and I am still everyday given opportunities to grow, to heal, to fuck up, to learn some more all again,,,and again...and again.
And even though I have yet to experience the romantic relationship of my dreams, I have been blessed with many difficult and challenging relationships that have helped me become a better woman through them. Even though I have yet to create a 6 figure income, I have been blessed to be wise with spending and want little; wise with money, and therefore feeling abundant and grateful for what I have been able to still create financially for myself.
Although I have yet to experience my dream job (whatever that may be), I have been blessed with such a variety of amazing jobs and experiences, several favorites along the way, all increasing my skills and abilities in so many different ways. Through some of these experiences I have met so many wonderful people who have trusted and confided in me to be a part of their Journeys in health and fitness and more.
I have had the joys and excitement of moving across the country, not once but twice, and crafting an entire life in a state I was once told I would never make it. I have made friends, lost friend and made new friends with every move. And I now have a few friends who are so dear to my heart, and when I think of who the kind of people I want to surround myself with I think of them and how blessed I am.
I have gone on endless adventures I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I’ve seen beauty that has brought me to tears, and I've come to realize in witnessing beauty in so many parts of our Earth that beauty is truly EVERYWHERE, and we see exactly what we are looking for, only then able to come back home and see this beauty in my own simple back yard.
I have had the pleasure of sitting at a kitchen table having a genuine connection and conversation with someone when we couldn’t even speak the same language. I have met some amazing souls in my journey. I have witnessed first hand how incredibly connected we can feel to one other, even if we can’t speak the same language because of the fact we are all human, We all laugh and cry, we all feel pain and joy, but most importantly we all FEEL.
So many times when I thought there was no way I could keep going, I got up again. I have screamed and yelled and said terrible things I’m not proud of, but then I have learned from these moments. I have poured myself into 1000s of books with this undying yearning to learn, to know, to grow, to understand. I have proven to myself how incredibly strong and resilient my body is over and over, and courageous my mind.
And I have continuous blessings flowing through me always, in all ways, even when I can sometimes get lost in the struggle and forget to acknowledge them. No matter what hardships I have gone through in life, in body or in mind, I have MANY GIFTS.
I have the gift of vision: I can see color - the most beautiful array of colors, I can see a sunset or sunrise, I can gasp in awe of mountains, deserts & valleys, as well as the beauty along a coast. I have the gift of smell: I can smell the magical scent of a rose, or the aroma of coffee when I walk into a cafe, the smell of fresh baked cinnamon, and even the smell of salty ocean air.
I have the gift of taste: I can taste the sweet sweet love of chocolate melting on my tongue. I can taste the warm sweet moist flavor of homemade bread, I can taste all my favorite tastes in the world!!!
I have the gift of touch: feeling the warmth from the hug of a friend, the soft fleece inside a new sweatshirt running against my skin, the softness of a dogs fur on the inside of my hand.
I have the gift of hearing: I can hear the soothing sounds of a mother when I’m just a baby as she whispers in my ear. I can hear the glorious sounds of music, or the sounds of the ocean waves, or raindrops, and waterfalls, and so much more.
I have the gift of breath: as life is a gift itself, and breath IS life. Alhough there is still so much I plan to accomplish, and so much I desire to achieve, and although I am not finished (yet) I must say I feel completely blessed beyond what is possible to explain in words, because my life is filled with riches, and I am wealthy as can be, not measured monetarily.
I feel very blessed that I have clothes to wear, healthy yummy food to eat, clean water to drink, hot running water to shower, a cozy bed, an insulated cozy home, a private space I can call my own, inside plumbing, a phone to stay connected, a pillow to rest my head, a blanket to keep me warm and the list goes on.
Yes, I would say I’m quite blessed <3
These simplicities of life - we often take for granted, but traveling many places has truly helped me shift my perspective. They seem simple to some, but to others they would be their wildest dreams coming true.
It’s ok for us to FEEL the depth of what we feel, but no matter how sad or scared or lost or angry or confused or alone or in pain we may feel, there is ALWAYS a reason to be grateful. Always -always- always.
I can’t tell anyone else they have to feel grateful... I can only feel my own gratitude and HOPE that you will too.
#chooselove💕 - Always, in ALL ways ;)