“And this too shall pass” .... “what we don’t resist shall not persist” ....
I woke back up today on the right side of bed ... yesterday was definitely not one of my easier days (refer to previous post) - but it was a necessary day... I woke up in a “funk” (if I must label it), feeling rather melancholic, if you will.... and today I already feel back on track emotionally ... I didn’t judge it - I didn’t resist it - and I didn’t try to change or understand it ... as nothing other then a human moment. Today I woke up reinvigorated, curious and excited about what lies ahead - ready to move forward into the next leg of my journey.
Today I had my last chiro appointment to help my foot and wrist, I’m getting my teeth cleaned to take advantage of taking care of something I need and have access to here, and I get to drop into the CrossFit for one more workout before I head out.
Tomorrow I go through two border crossings, final stop - Nicaragua..... which will be my fourth country on this trip and heading into my 3rd work trade experience so far- with curiosity, excitement, but also a new mindset... I am confident this work trade could be the exact type of experience I was looking for through workaway, that I have yet to have, but I’m also accepting that if it is not what I was hopeful for, then I have the courage to honor my truth and move on into a different direction, not worrying about letting anyone down.
I’ve talked extensively with the couple who owns the hotel, and I feel truly supported that they want me to be honest with myself and them, and stay only if it’s what makes me happy. They both have years of experience traveling through workaway so they have been on my side of the trade - which is really awesome.
I’m excited to explore a new country, although I notice I always get a little bit of unnecessary anxiety on travel days or leading up to them - and then every time proves to be ok ... and I release it.
Every goodbye is bittersweet - this time I’m not really saying goodbye to anybody in particular, just a place and more a feeling. El Salvador, as a whole has been so good to me, so kind, generous and beautiful. It has definitely touched my heart in more ways then one. I feel blessed to have been here and had the experience I’ve had, meeting the people I’ve met. I can only be excited about what is still to come.
I am right at what is about the half way point of my journey.... and I have noticed some increased in my anxiety and busy mind. It’s as if I have placed this expectation that suddenly I should have all the answers of what is next in my life post trip... that I should suddenly know what I want to do for work, and where I want to be - and I have found myself stressing silently to the unanswered questions, with the fear I won’t figure it out... but the truth is - I don’t believe in “shoulds” and I don’t need to have it ALL figured out - definitely not now
All I need to do now is be in each moment and appreciate it for what it is, and enjoy the journey. All the other stuff can figure itself out later - in due time ... but this is such an unnecessary added stress to my life; however, good awareness for me to see the ways worry and fear still show up in my mind... so I’ve been practicing compassionately reminding myself I don’t need these worries, although I understand them, but they are irrational right now. It’s all one giant work in progress called life.
We can run, but we can never hide, @ least not from ourself ... and thank goodness ... why would we really want to if we thought about it - I want to face myself - I want to see all of me - and continue to learn to love ALL of me too ❤️ I hope you are working on loving ALL of you!