I would be OK. Of course I don’t want to die, but if I did, just know that I would be OK. A well spoken influencer, Preston Smiles, who I very much respect, once said, “I’m complete but not finished”. I feel this way about my life. No, I haven’t accomplished every goal... I haven’t had the relationship of my dreams, the job of my dreams & I haven’t reached the 6 figure mark yet with my income so that I could give a ton away... but when I sit here reflecting on life... I realize that despite these things I have still lived a beautifully abundant and rich life full of wonderful, enriching experiences. I have lived a life of pure humanness in all capacities ... I have felt the extreme of every emotion from the worst pain to the most joy. I have loved with all my heart... I have experienced and shared many of my greatest passions... I have lost deeply and painfully... I have fallen to the ground feeling like I couldn’t possibly take one more breath and carry on, and yet I got back up. I have cried and felt like things were too hard and thought to myself I couldn’t handle one more hard thing, and yet I surprised myself once again, handling not one but many more hard things thereafter.
I have had many opportunities for growth and healing, and I am still everyday given opportunities to grow, to heal, to fuck up, to learn some more all again,,,and again...and again.
And even though I have yet to experience the romantic relationship of my dreams, I have been blessed with many difficult and challenging relationships that have helped me become a better woman through them. Even though I have yet to create a 6 figure income, I have been blessed to be wise with spending and want little; wise with money, and therefore feeling abundant and grateful for what I have been able to still create financially for myself.
Although I have yet to experience my dream job (whatever that may be), I have been blessed with such a variety of amazing jobs and experiences, several favorites along the way, all increasing my skills and abilities in so many different ways. Through some of these experiences I have met so many wonderful people who have trusted and confided in me to be a part of their Journeys in health and fitness and more.
I have had the joys and excitement of moving across the country, not once but twice, and crafting an entire life in a state I was once told I would never make it. I have made friends, lost friend and made new friends with every move. And I now have a few friends who are so dear to my heart, and when I think of who the kind of people I want to surround myself with I think of them and how blessed I am.
I have gone on endless adventures I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I’ve seen beauty that has brought me to tears, and I've come to realize in witnessing beauty in so many parts of our Earth that beauty is truly EVERYWHERE, and we see exactly what we are looking for, only then able to come back home and see this beauty in my own simple back yard.
I have had the pleasure of sitting at a kitchen table having a genuine connection and conversation with someone when we couldn’t even speak the same language. I have met some amazing souls in my journey. I have witnessed first hand how incredibly connected we can feel to one other, even if we can’t speak the same language because of the fact we are all human, We all laugh and cry, we all feel pain and joy, but most importantly we all FEEL.
So many times when I thought there was no way I could keep going, I got up again. I have screamed and yelled and said terrible things I’m not proud of, but then I have learned from these moments. I have poured myself into 1000s of books with this undying yearning to learn, to know, to grow, to understand. I have proven to myself how incredibly strong and resilient my body is over and over, and courageous my mind.
And I have continuous blessings flowing through me always, in all ways, even when I can sometimes get lost in the struggle and forget to acknowledge them. No matter what hardships I have gone through in life, in body or in mind, I have MANY GIFTS.
I have the gift of vision: I can see color - the most beautiful array of colors, I can see a sunset or sunrise, I can gasp in awe of mountains, deserts & valleys, as well as the beauty along a coast. I have the gift of smell: I can smell the magical scent of a rose, or the aroma of coffee when I walk into a cafe, the smell of fresh baked cinnamon, and even the smell of salty ocean air.
I have the gift of taste: I can taste the sweet sweet love of chocolate melting on my tongue. I can taste the warm sweet moist flavor of homemade bread, I can taste all my favorite tastes in the world!!!
I have the gift of touch: feeling the warmth from the hug of a friend, the soft fleece inside a new sweatshirt running against my skin, the softness of a dogs fur on the inside of my hand.
I have the gift of hearing: I can hear the soothing sounds of a mother when I’m just a baby as she whispers in my ear. I can hear the glorious sounds of music, or the sounds of the ocean waves, or raindrops, and waterfalls, and so much more.
I have the gift of breath: as life is a gift itself, and breath IS life. Alhough there is still so much I plan to accomplish, and so much I desire to achieve, and although I am not finished (yet) I must say I feel completely blessed beyond what is possible to explain in words, because my life is filled with riches, and I am wealthy as can be, not measured monetarily.
I feel very blessed that I have clothes to wear, healthy yummy food to eat, clean water to drink, hot running water to shower, a cozy bed, an insulated cozy home, a private space I can call my own, inside plumbing, a phone to stay connected, a pillow to rest my head, a blanket to keep me warm and the list goes on.
Yes, I would say I’m quite blessed <3
These simplicities of life - we often take for granted, but traveling many places has truly helped me shift my perspective. They seem simple to some, but to others they would be their wildest dreams coming true.
It’s ok for us to FEEL the depth of what we feel, but no matter how sad or scared or lost or angry or confused or alone or in pain we may feel, there is ALWAYS a reason to be grateful. Always -always- always.
I can’t tell anyone else they have to feel grateful... I can only feel my own gratitude and HOPE that you will too.
#chooselove💕 - Always, in ALL ways ;)
For me it was my daily walks... though in my past I had always been active I never actually had something as simple as a daily walking practice.
Working out in a gym with friends is so much fun, but after almost a year of walking outdoors everyday I am sold in a whole new way. I don’t know if I can fully put into words just how special it is and for all the reasons why.
I can definitely say I appreciated every season this year on a whole new level, more then ever before in my life, watching spring time everything coming to life, watching through summer everything so alive & feeling the sunshine and warmth, and OMG loving Fall & into winter enjoying the change of colors of leaves & just watching the changes of nature unfold before my eyes with each passing day. I can’t say that I have ever in my life appreciated the fall/winter season as I have this year. Listening to the birds, appreciating even windy days in a whole new way, as the wind speaks through the trees, and loving how even on the days that were the hardest for me to say yes to myself I would somehow still muster the strength and will to go, always giving myself permission to walk as slow as needed, and for as short as felt right on the harder days.
I’ve always even been into hiking, but it was more like once /week and here and there ... I used to put so much emphasis in my mind on needing it to be an official hike in a park or somewhere “special” to be worthy or enjoyable, yet this year taught me how to just truly enjoy nature in the most simple forms - celebrating and enjoying even a walk through my neighborhood, noticing the different trees or rose bushes in the yards, or a stroll on our creek trail, and even walking through the empty college campus laughing at the flocks of geese, dodging duck poop, taking in the beauty of the old buildings and architecture.
Walking: It seems like such a small task (and for some it is) but for me it has become so much more. It is a ritual now I never want to let go of, because it has become so much more then a walk. And, this is my go to when I notice the mind popping and me feeling like I haven’t made progress on my healing journey... I think of these walks and it reminds me I am winning, in sooooo many more ways then one!
I am so grateful for my feet for carrying me for miles everywhere I have been, and for the beautiful life that exists all around us at all times when we are looking for it.
Beauty is everywhere.
In the words of Joe Dispenza, “your personality creates your personal reality. So if you want to create a new personal reality, you have to change your personality.” But don’t we often love to grip and defend our perceived personality as if it is our truth? When in reality, as the Gabor Mate quote mentions… it is actually the furthest from our authentic truth.
So I had a major lightbulb 💡 moment this week! Our limbic systems can be tricky little things… I mean in nearly 16 months of brain retraining… I can’t tell you how many times I thought I was doing so great at catching and redirecting all of my POPs (pathways to the past) only to realize some time later that limby had been pulling a fast one on me for however long she could get away with it. Sometimes maybe a random new IT would show up and I didn’t connect the dots realizing it was an IT (an IT is a brain retraining term for a symptom created through limbic impairment). OR perhaps, I would have a thought pattern that I wasn’t catching and redirecting. Now don’t get me wrong - by all means I was doing great overall, as the goal is practice and progress, not perfection. Then every time I finally had my Ah-hah lightbulb moment all I could do really was laugh - damn she can be good (she is referring to limby which is a term of endearment we use to refer to our limbic system).
Ok…. let me explain for anyone new to the concept of brain retraining. The idea is that we are literally rewiring our brain to create new neuro-circuitry that supports the PERSONALITY that will support the PERSONAL REALITY we desire. So the goal is that we catch and redirect negative thought patterns, negativity bias, worry, rumination, OCD, fear, paranoia, and anything else that could keep us stuck in our impaired state (chronic state of fight/flight), as well as shifting our focus away from the ITs, therefore, reducing the power they have over our state of being, all the while focusing on elevating our mood. Now, our brain and ANS very much likes for us to stay in what is familiar and known - YES, even if what is familiar and known is pain and suffering… So the minute we make a commitment to change, our brain will do whatever it can to distract us and pull us back into the familiar, where it thinks it is keeping us SAFE. That’s always the goal of our primitive brain - safety.
So how do we overcome this resistance to change? Through committed awareness, observation and practice over and over and over again aka repetition.
Usually if limby pulled a fast one on me in the first 12 or so months of the brain retraining, it would be a matter of minutes, hours, or at most, days before I caught on, laughed it off, and redirected my focus.
HOWEVER, I am NOW realizing that Limby had a strong hold on me over the past several months - she “played” me good (OK… She isn’t actually sitting around in my brain trying to come up with ways to trick me per say, more like she is just running the programs (aka false belief systems) she has installed in her best effort to keep me in what she thinks is safety zone otherwise known as what is familiar to my past (hence the term POP) …. You see… for all the ways I have been thriving with brain retraining, and shifting my POPs, there was one way (partly pertinent to everything going on in the world) where I was completely blind to my own actions and thought process.
I want to share about the details of this situation here because it is something SO SO SO many of us do. What do we do? We cling. We cling to these ideas of who we are, we cling to these ideas of what we believe to be our personality, our self. Meanwhile, we are not genuinely happy or fulfilled in life, therefore not completely satisfied with our personal reality, yet we are unwilling to give up parts of our so called personality in exchange for a better personal reality. The worst part is these parts that we cling to aren’t even our authentic self… they are part of our conditioning/programming. At the end of the day we have to be willing to ask ourself, is this personality trait worth my peace, my joy, my fulfillment, my health, my well being, and living the life of my dreams? IF it is NOT, then what are we holding onto so damn tightly, right? Seems obvious enough… but so much easier said then done to let go…. why? Because the brain loves what is known and the minute you make a decision to change, you better bet your bottoms that you will be challenged and pulled back into that known over and over and you will have to keep redirecting and making new choices.
So why do I say all this… well because my epiphany the other day was this… for the past couple of months in some regards I was blind and naive to my truth, as so many of us often are. No worries though - this is not about guilt or shame or a beat myself up moment - there is no place in growth for that… this is about having an empowered moment where I had a major realization and now I get to decide how to respond to this realization. So while I had convinced myself that I was doing ALL the things brain retraining, the reality was I was in one sense sabotaging my progress, because in reality I was also doing a lot of research… research about a bunch of shit that realistically isn’t in my power to change… and it was weighing on me heavily.
What we are worrying about or thinking about is actually creating physiological shifts in our body whether it is realty or not. So my body was taking a beating from this research addiction, which led to a lot of wasted time and energy on disempowering thoughts, fears and beliefs. I convinced myself that I am a truth seeker, and that I love that part of who I am, and this justified the endless amount of time I was spending doing this research. However, after hours and hours and weeks of this research, did I feel even the slightest better? NO! Did I feel even the slightest empowered? HELL NO! Here I am hosting a podcast that inspires people to take their power back…and I was giving mine away in one regard. Again, it is all ok… I am human after all, and not perfect (nor do I want to be), and I, like you, am just learning as I go… I am simply sharing this to perhaps help inspire anyone reading to reflect deeply into their life to see where their actions or attachment to personality traits are NOT serving them. I love to ask myself “Is this an empowering thought or disempowering?” And I realized this week…that all the research and conclusions I was formulating lately were incredibly disempowering.
See when I became really honest with myself, I accepted that the drive to do all of this research was for more then seeking truth when I looked deeply enough…realizing that deep down it was driven by an element of fear, need for certainty, and the need to be right (which also provides certainty) These are ALL POPs. Yup…limby got me good…and you know what? It is OK!!! Because now I know… and NOW I GET to CHOOSE how I will RESPOND. I could make a couple choices from here: 1. I could feel guilty, ashamed, beat myself up, create a story that none of my efforts has been worth it and that I am back at square one in my healing and I sabotaged myself and on and on… (this might sound familiar). OR 2. I could laugh and say: HELL YA… so grateful I figured that one out - now what? and then I can choose one moment, one day, one week at a time to be more aware of these related POPs and actions, redirect myself when they show up, and celebrate the wins… yes even the small wins. Every day this week that I didn’t watch or read news or research stuff that I didn’t need to know I said “great job Chaz! You made it one day… two days… whoooo hooooo 5 days! you rock star! l’m so proud of you!”
So again, I share this story in hopes to inspire someone out there who might find themselves clinging, to begin to feel courageous enough to let go. A really good indicator if there are parts of your personality that are actually conditioning and not truly your authentic being is to notice if you find yourself defending those parts. For example, notice if you hear yourself saying these classic expressions: “well this is just how I am” or “well this is how I have always been like me or not”. What is authentic, real, and the truth of who we are never needs to be defended, it just is. It comes from pure love energy. It is the ego that seeks to defend and justify. So ask yourself, what have I been defending… or ask yourself what habit do I truly want to break but I keep telling myself it is just too hard? Because sometimes it is hard, but its ALWAYS WORTH IT. I promise!! In my opinion the two best questions we can ask ourselves all the time are “is this personality trait, or this habit, or this action worth me sacrificing my optimal well being and health in mind body and soul?”… I bet you the answer is often NO. I know it was for me!
So where am I at now? Well I am back at it … fully committed with a giant helpful tool box, and more ammo then ever before. This experience I had over the past few months and my recent epiphany has left me even MORE aware then before, and more capable of catching and redirecting, as well as feeling stronger and more motivated then ever. Yup!!! I’m back on track and all in, because I know that right now my purpose is to heal, and living my life on purpose everyday means staying committed to the process and the journey.
The other question is the same question I mentioned up above…”Is this an empowering thought or a disempowering thought? “ Now what? Well, that choice is yours, my friend…that is the beauty of personal agency. But my hope for you is that you choose the empowering ones! They look better on you :)
Remember when we heal ourself we heal the planet!
Happy rewiring friends. Thanks for being on this journey called LIFE with me! :)
Hello... I had a LIGHTBULB moment recently! Since I parted ways two years ago with my CrossFit coaching job I felt a huge part of me was missing. While I knew that particular environment or exercise modality no longer aligned to my truth, I also knew I had an undying passion for movement. Exercise, movement & fitness in some capacity has been an integral part of my life since my early years of High School.
One of my favorite parts of my extended travels in 2019 was hosting several classes for a beautiful group of women at this hotel where I was doing a work trade. I guided them through several days of playful movement, teaching them how to create positive associations with exercise, break down old thought patterns about what they thought exercise had to be, and begin to feel safe in their bodies, moving in new dynamic ways. Being outside with them, moving, laughing, & playing with them, and listening to their joy made my heart sing.
There was a period of time in my journey that I actually thought I wouldn’t ever get to coach again, when I realized for the first time in my life that I needed to focus on myself and my own healing journey.
However throughout this time I never lost faith, and playful movement became a huge catalyst for me, and my experience rewiring my brain around exercise, fitness & movement. Now I realize that while exercise/fitness has been a huge part of my life for so long, my relationship toward it, and its purpose in my life has drastically changed. I now trust that I am at a place in my healing journey where I am ready to share this passion with others, once again, to help support them on their journeys as well! I’ve never stopped learning... it’s a constant back and forth between neuroscience - other cool brain stuff - and movement!
So let’s play in a new way!
So if you are ready to move mindfully, to incorporate play into your fitness, to expand your tool box. and to learn to move more intuitively, whilst rewiring your brain around “exercise” then reach out to me! And in the meantime be thinking about your current goals - it’s good to have long term goals... but we will break them down into current goals within your training zone and creative ways to build from there.
You will learn fun practical ways to move your body that not only benefit your body and help you move mindfully in alliance with your goals, but will be beneficial for the brain 🧠 👊🏼 👏🏼❤️
I love you all <3 Thanks for being on this journey with me!
This list can obviously vary depending on how you play.
Now let's talk about movement, otherwise and often referred to as fitness, exercise, or working out. I prefer to call it movement. Movement can be so many various forms of motion. Movement can be as simple as walking, we can move our body dynamically through time and space, we can get get down on ground, and stand back up, we can pick things up and put them down, we can throw and catch, we can hang and swing ... honestly, the options to move are endless... and do you know what else is endless? The benefits!!!! That’s right... the list of potential benefits is endless ... AND... varieties of different types of movement help us in different ways. Movement supports the brain, different styles of movement effect the brain differently and in different parts.
So what happens when we combine movement and play? We playfully move, and we reap the benefits of two in one.
So many of us, often through chronic illness, pain or injury, learn negative associations with movement. Often our brain creates false associations of what is good or bad and it has a tendency to create fear. Generally after long periods of not being able to move actively due to illness or injury, we find that we need to create new positive associations once again. We can do this in many different ways.
My favorite way to create positive associations and new neural pathways is through playful movement .... one way to do this is by going all the way back to our very basic developmental movement patterns. Laughing, being silly and doing silly things while moving to teach our brain that movement is playful and safe again. This also has a calming effect because we are laughing, smiling, being silly, playing and developing strength all at the same time.
Our bodies were literally made to move - when you break down the gait cycle and the anatomy of the human body -it all makes sense - walking and running is literally primal - natural - instinctual - we are built for it... so what better way to build a relationship with movement then through play.
You mean I can workout and play all at once? YAY!
Play all day... Play play play... move around, crawl, roll & play.
Virtual playful movement classes coming SOON!
And be on the lookout for my next blog about my story with fitness and playful movement! From where I was and where I am at today.
I had a special teacher once
Who truly believed in me
In a time when no one else did
And I remembered her for eternity
Even though she probably never knew
I’m not sure we always realize
How big of an influence we can be
In even the smallest ways
Like the impact of a smile upon your face
We can say a word or two to someone
And it may last a lifetime
We can pull someone off a bridge
And never even know it to be
We learn one thing and share it
And that person we share it with
Passes the wisdom on
Saving a life we don’t even see
And it can all be so easy if we let it
It’s not some grand act or big gestures
It’s simple little moments
Like looking into the eyes of a stranger
Or holding the door for someone
Saying please and thanks
Greeting a person in passing
It’s simple acts of kindness
That don’t have to cost a dime
It’s being polite and nice
It’s making allowances for faults
Because we know that no one is perfect
And maybe the person who made a mistake
Had a really rough day
It truly is the little things over and over
That yield the biggest most beautiful results
In so many possible ways
The butterfly affect…
The domino effect…
The compound effect…
We learn all about these as theories
Now can we live in a way to positively shift realities?
————— 3 bonus 4 liners ————
BE KIND - it doesn’t cost a dime
Try it sometime
You might find
You like being kind
Be the change - you wish to see
I can’t change you - I can only change me
So if the world you desire to change
Look within - that’s where to begin
Nature is perfectly imperfect
Just like me and you
Let’s stop trying to be what we aren’t
And live authentically
It is easy to misconstrue the concept of creating. Often many people here someone like me say “we are all creators” and their initial reaction might be confusion or resistance. This idea of being creators can be easily mistaken or taken literally as if we are creating everything in our life, rather then our ability to interact and respond to and through life.
While I do personally very well believe that sometimes I can influence and create the outcome of something or manifest something outside of me, this is only because of the fact that as energetic co-creating beings we do in many ways have external influence. However, when I say we are creators, it’s important to be clear that we are all CO-creating with source energy, God, and each other. Therefore, we can not account for all of the many external energetic forces all around and influencing around us.
We can, however, account for how we show up in life and how we respond to all other energetic forces. For example, if I want to create a beautiful romantic partnership - I can not simply sit there and think of this perfect man expecting the universe to drop him off.... but what I can do is begin to think “who do I need to be to attract a man and relationship that I desire and seek?” Then I can make the subconscious shifts from over time to support becoming that person, which could influence my ability to attract my dream partnership. This is still not a guarantee, but what is quite a guarantee is that in this experience I will most likely begin to notice a vast improvement in all my relationships as a ripple effect, because of how I show up.
We can’t control all the forces of the universe. We can just CREATE the WE we want to be when encountered with said forces. It’s important to get clarity around questions like, “how do I show up in the face of adversity, in the unknown, or when life happens and things aren’t the way I think they should be? How do I show up in love, loss, or hardship?” When we get clear about our values and how we want to be, we can then use simple (not easy) rewiring tools to help us shift into this authentic state of being.
Here is another example. I’m not going to create 1 million dollars by just sitting and thinking about 1 million dollars. However, I might create wealth and a million dollars by shifting my internal state into an abundant mindset, and create new habits that support my ability to build wealth through a mindset of worthiness, discipline and my ability to provide value, or maybe take risk.
Life is happening all the time around us, through us, to us, and mostly for us.... We can’t create it ALL, but as co-creators we GET to create our internal state which affects how we show up to it, for it, and through it.
We are ALL creators . As a matter of fact, we are always creating. The difference is whether we are creating consciously or subconsciously. Within every facet of our lives are what I call micro-cultures. These cultures are always created by US, either by design OR default.
They say that by 35 years old we spend only 5% in our consciousness creating our visions, goals, dreams, and desires for our future. This means that 95% of our time spent creating is happening behind the scenes, most likely from our conditioning, old thought patterns, old beliefs and old behaviors that are all often conditioned responses developed some time in childhood, and not actually the truth of who we are, and definitely not representing our true dreams and desires.
These conditioned belief systems are imprinted into us generally between 0-7 years old, and come from parents, siblings, churches, schools, relatives, and the limited lens we view our experiences of the world around.
We then carry these conditioned responses through our whole life attaching to them, gripping them, and defending them as we continue to repeat the same patterns in our lives over and over, not understanding how or why we aren’t living the life representative of our conscious goals and dreams.
We can end up living this life of suffering where we feel mostly like we are falling short, unaware of what we are doing wrong and why we “fail” at the majority of our efforts to create this new future from our visions we desire.
Often many of us are usually by nature good in one area or another, but struggle in the others. For example, maybe we rise above in our career and finances, but can’t get a handle on our health or relationships. Alternatively, maybe we have created beautiful rich relationships, but can’t seem to keep a job or create wealth. This can often lead to feeling like victims of circumstance, rather then accepting responsibility for our lives lived, and taking initiative to be more conscious creators by design.
However, don’t get me wrong. I know we all mean well. When we say we want to quit this habit, or start achieving this new goal, or manifest the relationship of our dreams, I believe we genuinely mean it. However, we make these decisions from our conscious mind, which is where we are usually only spending 5% of our time. This is why 5 min, 2 hours, 3 days, or 2 weeks go by, and we find ourself right back in the same place before we started out toward this goal. WHY? Because, it’s not long before we fall right back into subconscious creating system.
Does subconscious have to equal default? NO!!!! This is where it gets GOOD…. What if we can actually train our brain and reprogram our subconscious so it works FOR us. As Dr. Rick Hanson says, “train our mind to train our brain to make our minds better”. What this means is from my conscious mindset I can make take small simple brain rewiring actions every day (repetition here is key), which literally creates new neural pathways that support our conscious desires and truths so that when we slip into autopilot which is inevitable most days of our life, then at least we can confidently move through life knowing our subconscious is aligned to create the life we desire by design... how cool is this?
The best part, is that it’s actually quite simple. Not always easy, but definitely simple. I say not easy because our brain loves what is familiar and known - familiar feels safe to our brain, and our brain’s goal is to keep us ‘safe’. Therefore, naturally when we start challenging that familiar system to create something new and unfamiliar, it might express resistance, it might feel hard, it might try to distract us, it might convince us why we shouldn’t do the work. This is why it’s so important to bring conscious awareness into our reality as often as possible while we reprogram the subconscious mind until over time it is operating from our highest good and for our greatest potential. And, if 95% of the time we are creating from the subconscious wouldn’t it make sense to then to align it to our conscious wishes and desires so when we are creating from this place, it is in alignment with our truth?
It is good to ask ourself, what do I value? Who do I want to be in life? In relationships? In career? At home? As a parent?
I don’t know about you, but for me knowing I have the power within my own self to rewire my brain, optimize its function, and help my brain work FOR my greatest good gets me excited… Count me in! In reality this is about as magical as magic gets. WE ARE MAGIC - literally, we are pure magic. And we can all be magicians!!!
IF you read all of this and are thinking, ya this sounds great, tell me more… how do I rewire my brain? How do I make my brain work for me? That is the fun stuff…..reach out to me and I would be happy to have a conversation… Also, you can check out my podcast, Our Power Is Within, where you will learn practical tools along the way, as well as first hand testimonials.
There is this author/speaker, whom I really adore… His name is Bob Goff… His energy is contagious… he has this ability to just share his gift of love and zest for life every time I hear him speak, and through every word he writes.
There is this book he wrote called, Love Does. It is truly beautiful short book packed w/ so many gems and treasures… It is based on the premise that love is a verb, an action, a choice… When we choose to love someone (ourself included) we are making a choice, every day, every minute, over and over again. Sometimes we might not feel like it, but we do it anyways… because, well, that is what LOVE DOES.
So anyhow… like I said, this book is packed with little gems… so many good quotes I could go on for days… but rather I will just suggest you read it… and I will share just one with you today.
“I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.”
When I first read this quote years ago I loved it… but for some reason I always remembered it ‘incorrectly’… I remembered it as “I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to love them” Now I know that I always remembered it this way because subconsciously that is what I really needed to learn to do… and perhaps in actuality it is one and the same - the original quote and the way I remembered it. To be with them - to love them - what’s really the difference right?
You know what I learned when I finally had this realization? I learned that when I stopped wanting to fix everyone else… I got to spend a lot more time focused on myself… going inward… and seeing how the desire to fix everyone else was simply a mirror into my own pressure to always ‘fix’ myself, but it became a good distraction from this pressure… IF I was focusing on everyone else’s ‘shortcomings’, then I didn’t have to focus on my own.
Through this realization; however, I came to understand how IF I truly wanted to learn to just love everyone else, I had to learn to love me too. I had to learn that I wasn’t broken, that I didn’t need fixed, I just needed loved.
It’s quite amazing and beautiful how we are all so capable of rising into our greatness when we are truly loved, seen, heard, and accepted with compassion. So I set about a mission. For a year I was committed to not dating, not coaching, and not focusing on anyone but ME. It was my turn to finally go within, to see what I needed, and honor that truth. Along the way, I learned what truth was - MY truth… aligning more authentically to the me I was always meant to be. I learned all about my inner authority, setting boundaries, unapologetically, and doing the things that my mindbody & soul needed.
I was able to discover ALL the stories, personality traits, and belief systems that no longer serve me… But more importantly I was able to see how much pressure I put on myself subconsciously for so damn long, and feel how exhausting that might feel… and through this I learned what self compassion actually feels like… moments where I wanted to just hold the little girl inside and tell her “I am sorry. I love you. I see you. I hear you. I am here with you. You will never be alone again. I’m sorry I was so so damn hard on you”… and this compassion… well.. it set me free.
What I thought began as a journey to love the other, shifted into a reflection inward. What I then thought was a journey of healing physical pain and dis-ease… became so much deeper.. opening the door into my soul… into my inner knowing… into compassion, and allowing me to release that which no longer serves me to come more into self. To love the woman I see in the mirror… the little girl inside who has been so strong and got me to where I am today.
Am I done? My goodness, no… Nor will I ever be done… Healing is a life long journey, growth is a life long journey. I believe we are here as a spirit in this human experience to REMEMBER the truth of who we are… which is pure love. And in remembering we get to learn how to love again - love truly, fully, completely, and unconditionally. And love DOES… love is a verb…so we are never done… as long as we have breath, we have opportunities to love.
I also believe it is through our ability to love ourself and hold loving kindness & compassion for ourself that we can truly learn to love the other. Though, in this, through the love we have for ourself and boundaries, we can CHOOSE who we have to love from afar… I’m also learning I don’t have to love everyone… and if I don’t today, that is ok… I’m not falling short. Sometimes I think in the realm of spirituality we are just given more rules, more high expectations, more ways we convince ourself we are falling short. This is just one example, IF I find myself not liking or loving someone, am I wrong? bad? Do I go back into the judgements? The pressure? Or is it just flipping ok? I think it’s just OK.
So now where am I at? Now I have this absolute passion in my belly to not only continue to stay committed to honoring my boundaries, honoring my truth, leading myself with compassion, and spreading a message. I believe we are ALL self healers. We ALL have the power within to achieve anything we desire. We are ALL worthy of self love, compassion, healing & absolute well being. And I just hope and pray that over time I am able to spread this message through setting an example… and holding space for others to do the same. Let’s light this world up by allowing our lights to shine brighter… The world needs us ALL now more then ever!!!
While you do absolutely have the answers within YOU… we all do… I understand that sometimes we can feel lost, confused, or not know where to begin… so when you are ready to take your power back, when you are ready to choose to love yourself fully and completely (as a VERB), and shine your light… if you need support, encouragement, a friend, a hand to hold, or just a little guidance… just know that I am here. I am here in whatever way I can be, while still showing up for myself first. I am here. You are worthy. You are enough. You are a brilliant light inside waiting to shine.
I know. I get it. I can begin to imagine all the rebuttals to this question. “Not me, no there is no way, you have no idea how hard I’ve had it. No, life has not been for me, it’s been dark and heavy and I’m a mess. I hate life. What’s the point of it all? I’m in pain, I hurt, you wouldn’t understand. Lady, your crazy - you obviously had a fairy tale childhood.”
I get it. In my younger years I couldn’t see it yet either. Stuck in what felt like an eternal downward spiral of pain on every level... swimming up steam against a massive current, feeling most days like I was drowning, but secretly, of course, because I can’t let anyone know I don’t have it all together. Unless we are talking about the victim card. Then I could have played that all damn day. Of course it wasn’t my fault. None of it obviously. I mean how could it be - everyone else did it to me! (insert sarcasm) The universe isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. Why meeeeeeeeee !!!
Ugh I have to honestly say I have heard it all - straight from my own mouth and mind. I was in deep, and I just couldn’t see how 1. I could have possibly been playing a role, and 2. the bigger and most important part: that it was ALL FOR me. That’s right I said it. It was ALL FOR me. The trauma, the pain, the sorrow, the sadness, the anger, the loss, the life that felt like groundhog day because I kept reliving the same story, different era. Ya you read that right, and to place emphasis here - I will say it again. It ALL was FOR me. And you know what? It’s for you too, when you are ready to see it. Because I can’t make you. I can share my story. I can share perspective. I can share what helped me shift, but at the end of the day, we all live this life in our own divine timing, and only you can make the choices for you. Only you can decide the trajectory of your future, what your next chapter will look like, or as a matter of fact, your whole damn book.
We have choice, I said that too. I know, I know.... here it comes ... “but you don’t understand, I don’t have a choice, it’s impossible”… Right, and what is that classic saying? When we defend our limitations, we get to keep them? Mmm classic I love that one. Read it again. Because while I can not hold your hand, and while I can not make the choices for you, nor can I most likely even convince you that you do indeed have the ability to choose, I can say that we ALWAYS have choice, even in what appears to be the most impossible situation.
Now listen, never ever have I said nor will I say, it’s easy, but it is in fact, possible. Quite frankly, most of the wonderfully helpful tasks in life to live our best lives are simple in theory; much harder in practicality. Again, not impossible. I guess we each get to decide how bad we want it (whatever IT is). We have to be willing and more committed to finding the reasons in our life WHY the universe is FOR us, rather then affirming what we previously believed. Hey if you aren’t there yet - no judgement that’s ok too. Remember I said I couldn’t force you.
However I challenge you to ask yourself what are you getting from staying stuck? What are you getting from being a victim? What are you getting from believing the worst? There is ALWAYS a give and take (cost verse benefit). Even if unconscious, there is always a way we are being served, unfortunately in these circumstances it is our ego, our unconscious, our deepest fears and old stories that are being served, not our potential or best self. Now if you can figure out the answer to this - then you get to decide what is most important. Because remember - you always have choice - even within your own self.
Let me ask you this. Do you want to be empowered? Do you want to step into your personal power and start creating a new destiny?
Or will you decide to stay in the life you have always known, the story that you have, and defend your current state til death?
I know for me that I reached a point where enough was enough. No more Groundhog Day for this Gal! And I have to tell you, the very second I took my power back, the very second I realized how empowering it was to step into responsibility, was the moment I knew I would never go back. Does this mean it was instant, perfect and wrapped up in a red bow? Haha don’t we all wish. Does it mean, moments where I felt the victim rise within? Or the old stories creep back up? Or the voices tell me I can’t do it, don’t deserve it, or it’s too hard? NO way - come on - even Disney movies aren’t that perfect. Nope in fact, quite opposite. You know why? It’s the magic sauce - it’s ALL a part of the big old grand universe having yo-back! That’s right. I know - that sounds confusing, let me give you an example. Say I spent my whole life living as a perfect justified victim. Now I decide I will step into a life of empowerment. I will decide that a victim isn’t my story. Well guess what, the kind and generous universe will surely give me a chance to prove it, to practice this new way of being. Isn’t that grand?
Ok I think this calls for another explanation: our ego, which is like a child loves what is known - what is familiar. Our nervous system maintains an energy aligned with our present based on our past until we teach it something new. I decide to step into a new truth. Ego (child) feels scared and threatened by this newness… nervous system attracts into my experience a match for what was familiar to feel safe again. Ohhhh in this moment I can give in and say well ok - I wasn’t that serious anyhow. OR - I can make a choice - I can accept the unknown, I can compassionately soothe that little crying ego and gently remind her not today. And I can laugh and delight that this was merely another opportunity from the Universe to stay committed to my new choice. See - FOR me… Reminder - didn’t say it was easy. Only worth it, at least for me. For you? Maybe?!? That’s for you to decide.
Lately I have been being challenged by some old stories of my past, old insecurities. My choice is to notice, and then say, I understand you fear, I hear you fear, but let me show you ALL the evidence ALL around me that supports that isn’t my story or truth anymore. For example, sometimes we have something happen. Let’s say it triggers a twinge of unlovability. Well it can be easy to get caught up on that story, and then focus on all the proof we can find to support how and why we aren’t lovable…. OR because this is highly unlikely our actual truth, we can honor the old story, hold space for that inner child feeling, but then affirm and show her ALL the ways that support that story is not our story, and no longer holds value or truth in our life.
What we focus on we create more of…where attention goes, energy flows…so when I am looking for ALL the evidence to how I am lovable, or good enough, loved, heard, supported, seen, understood, valuable and worthy - then guess what? WE FIND IT!!! We do - we find the reasons to support these beliefs. Just the same… if we buy into the old stories that are not our truth, well, guess what, we can find that evidence as well…. So again… what does it come down to? Choice! Choice! Choice!
I don’t know about you… but damn I love having a choice ! <3
SO I choose to trust that the Universe is for ME! The best part: She is for you too! And you…and you…and you!